Get Grandma Her Cane!

Well, I'm officially 25. I don't feel any different. Matter of fact, I still feel like I'm in my early, early 20s. Which I guess can be scary. Because I'm 5 years away from 30 and at the age of 30 I feel like I should be established in life. And I feel like I'm nowhere near ready to be there yet. 5 years isn't such a long time. And it's easy to start panicking when you come to this kind of crossroads.

At least I have the first part down. I'm in a relationship (and of course married) to a person I love more than anything in the world. I think if I didn't have that in my life, I would have totally suffered a midlife crisis turning 25.

However, there are parts of my life that just don't feel as put together. First off is the job front. I'm so happy working for my parents, but I know I can't work for them forever. My mom keeps pressuring and pressuring me to find a job where I can get benefits and a 401K and lots of other things. And I don't blame her. She's terrified b/c she doesn't have any of those things and she's getting close to the age where she could have started using them. (She can almost order off the senior menu! lol!) And the scary thing is it's getting really close to piss or get off the pot about finding a job. Because the longer I put it off, the worse it will get for the next part of what doesn't feel so put together.

So, what's this last magical piece? It's the baby factor. I know I'm no where near ready to have one now. Going to K's proved that once and for all. However, 30 was always the age I thought I'd really start trying to have one. But what scares me most is that 30 is only 5 short years away. I feel nowhere even close to ready at this juncture in my life...how much is 5 years really going to change things?

My mom and I finally had a mini-talk about why she doesn't want me to have kids though. She's protecting me. She is in such a down place right now that she doesn't think it's fair to bring a kid up in this world the way it is. With the economy being in the toilet, gas prices being incredibly high constantly, and all the other factors, she's trying to protect me from bringing a kid into that. I did tell her that at some point, I will have one. I know very much that I do want at least one at some point in my life b/c I really don't feel like my life will be complete unless I have one. There's something about being a mom that I would like to experience at some point.

It's just I can't believe I'm so close to being at this juncture in my life. It doesn't feel like it should be this close...and I think that's the part the freaks me out the most. Maybe this is a mini midlife crisis....but how do you know when you feel like a grown up? Because I certainly don't feel remotely close to it now.